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Freedom Call: Legend of the shadowking

15/02/10 || Altmer

To review this album, I’m going to take a different approach. Namely, I’m just gonna spin the album, take the first song, and at each time-stamp I hear something, I’m gonna leave a comment. The reason I’m doing this is because a) I can, b) there is so many things that are wrong with this album that I wanna see if I can find them all in one song and c) I’m bored of regular fucken review styles, so I’m doing something different. This is for the first song:

Out of the Ruins

00:05 – Choral vocals, Rhapsody style. Double bass. Keyboard wank, guitar solo type riffs.

00:30 – Iron Maiden gallops. The vocals sound like Gamma Ray. That is a plus I guess. Or not, when I think of it. Kai Hansen is a bad vocalist.

1:00 – out of the ruins we rise forever, into the battle we march together!

Uh-oh. We’re only on the first song, this album is already turning into a homofest, and it sounds like the worst kind of power metal you’ve ever heard.

2:45 Nice little Bohemian Rhapsody reference. Freddie Mercury was gay too.

3:46 During every chorus you can hear a little guitar solo going dweedly-dweedly. So someone has talent in this band. Can he share it with the others? Oh wait, guitars are back to non-riffs.

The rest of the songs sound like this too. Second song “Thunder god” has some bad U2-worship, more Kai Hansen vocals, Alphaville-style German synthpop choruses. Thunder Gods are now the exclusive domain of Amon Amarth. This is gayer than gay. Oh help, there is an actual guitar riff now. Then there is a sound like someone burping. Fuck me, can this band die?

Now there is a song about Babylon. The intro is all keyboards. What is with the lame choral vocal effects? I bet it’s just the singer cloning himself (but he forgot his ballsack, I’m sure). Is that really a Tinkly Winkly keyboard interlude? Can I shoot the keyboardist now? The riffs haven’t improved, it’s still Iron Maiden gallop. Oh man, now they have some “dark” keyboard sounds and chug riffs to make it sound a bit evil. And then the keyboards come on again… what the fuck is this? Where are these fuckers from anyway? Germany? Sweden?

A quick google reveals that Freedom Call are from Germany. They are touring for their new album with Gamma Ray. Who’d a-thunk it?

The next song is about Merlin. The last time I read about Merlin was in 10th grade when we had to cover ancient English literature. You know, Arthurian legends and shit. Well, they are much cooler than this cheesefest. By the way, four songs in, the band is still galloping like Iron Maiden. They still have ball-less choruses. The lyrics are still the height of stupid: The story of two dragons / fighting for their lands / His name will live forever!. No fucken thank you. Fuck off.

Another choral vocal intro. Another double bass + Iron Maiden gallop fest. This sucks really badly. And I’m only on the fifth song. Mommy? Help? Why did I sign up for this shit? There is even good power metal but it’s not this, it’s not this…Can I skip listening to the rest of this? No? I have to sit through it for you, the loyal GD reader, to cover this? Ok, then I will.

Sixth song sounds kinda cool with the intro. Atmospheric. The guitars coming in make it sound like Judas Priest with PT style key effects. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but what the fuck is with the singer’s vocal effects. It’s already a fuckload better than the first five songs with their blatant Gamma Ray copying and Iron Maiden worship. I don’t like the singer when he’s singing low notes because he can’t. This is terrible. Is this a power ballad or not? I don’t think it is. So far it’s the best song on the record though. Not that that is saying much as the rest is all fucken hideous. I don’t get the tempo on this. It is not fast enough to be a power metal gay song and not slow enough to be a power ballad gay song.

Seventh song: Oh help, Nightfish female vocals. Dracula theatrics. Now we’re in the realm of Power Gay meets Goffic Gay. Fuck me, this album can’t get any worse, can it? The song is called “Dark obsession” too. Darkness is now confined to bands that sing about Satan exclusively and play black metal. Those bands may be silly but they’re not as gay as this. The guitar at the end is pretty atmospheric and cool though. So the guitar soloist has talent still.

“The darkness” starts with chug riffs and bad low-pitched vocals again. Nice try to be Alice Cooper, but fuck you too for that impersonation. More galloping, help. Now the band is in faux-heavy mode. Then the verse with Gamma Ray rips into overdrive again, making you wish for “Land of the free”. Fuck this subpar Eurovision metal shit. I really don’t want to listen to the rest of it.

The rest of the songs sound like this too. There is some ballad gayery about dragons that is just heinous. There are a few Judas Priest rips here and there (no surprises, huh), more Iron Maiden worship (but fuck me if they will ever write “The trooper”), and attempts to be Gamma Ray all over. I don’t get why this band exists. Apparently the drummer was in Gamma Ray or something. He can fucken stay there as far as I’m concerned because even at their shittiest Gamma Ray is ten times better than this excrement.

This is an aural abomination. I don’t need to track-by-track anymore for you to get the idea. I just don’t want to listen to this fairy metal bullshit, and neither should you. If you want to do power metal gayness, do old Blind Guardian, and leave this band the fuck alone, unless you also play with Barbie Dolls, have an obsession with Gamma Ray that borders on the unhealthy, and play D&D in your spare time. German power metal fucking sucks, plain and simple. I hope this fucken lot drown in a vat of fairytale acid. It won’t burn them too hard because wizard clothes are prolly immune to it. But fucken drown in the acid nonetheless, fuckers. Absolutely, completely, totally, fuck you in the ass. With a pink dragon dildo. Multiple times.

PS: The song where they do a German-spoken interlude is even more absolutely fuck you. Don’t sing power metal in German. Black metal is allowed. Rammstein is allowed to sing in German too. But German is a real man’s language, and not for the power gays.

Information
Released: in the age of Merlin the Wizard (2010)
Label: SPV / Steamhammer
Website: www.freedom-call.net
Band
Chris Bay: vocals, guitars
Lars Rettkowicz: guitars
Samy Saemann: bass
Dan Zimmermann: drums

Tracklist
01. Out of the ruins
02. Thunder god
03. Tears of Babylon
04. Merlin – legend of the past
05. Resurrection day
06. Under the spell of the moon
07. Dark obsession
08. The darkness
09. Remember!
10. Ludwig II – prologue
11. The shadowking
12. Merlin – requiem
13. Kingdom of madness
14. A perfect day

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